Oh my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength
Always
I will not fear
His promise is true
My God will come through
Always
Those are the powerful words of Kristian Stanfill’s song, “Always”. This song has been my theme song for the last four weeks. I had quite a few challenges, failures and trails. My husband also had to spend some time in correcting me after some outbursts. Which I am grateful for, well afterwards at least.
My dear and only grandmother’s appendix burst at the age of seventy nine, this was life threatening for her. She was really sick and at some point I thought it was going to be the end of her precious life which was a great example to me in many ways. You see my grandmother is a devoted mother, grandmother but also to God and her own body. At this age she still drives her herself where she wants to go, exercise and takes walks to the nearest supermarket. She still helps to raise my eldest brother’s son who is staying with is his father and does not see his mother often since my brother and she separated three years ago. My grandmother is actually the mother figure in this seven year old boy’s life. Any way while all this was happening normal life also had to go on. My daughters had their school and activities and me and my husband had ours. It was also assessment time at the school where I teach. So I have been travelling between my job, my children’s schools and activities and the hospital every day. Since I am the only female family member that is close enough to help my granny and visit her. My other cousins are either out of the country or in another town. Life was quite chaotic for me. In between all of this our church had a conference that was really amazing for me if it wasn’t for all those great teachings I had attended through that weekend I would have been tired and worn out soul by now.
I also have turned thirty one on the 20th of May. This has become quite a strange topic in my thoughts, aging. On this note my grandmother’s trial just made it even more undeniable. It actually started last year at my thirtieth birthday; it was as if I instantly and for the first time realized that we are not immortal. I am really getting older every day and it is not going to stop. I would not say that I am afraid of it, just aware of it. Aware of the fact that I really do need God’s grace in my life, I need Him for my time, my health and my daily roles as a teacher, mother and wife. Without Him and His plans I am just n human being with no purpose waiting to die of age or even sooner of something else.
I have not been as submissive I wish to be and honouring my husband flew out the window quite a few times this past month. He has been very supportive through this time and here today on father’s day I have realized it even more. I have a real man, a husband of God who loves me enough to bear with me and also helps me to get through life’s challenges but also won’t let me wonder off to far from our vision of a Godly marriage. I love him even more now than ever before.
I broke so many rules, haven’t drink my water like I should, talk badly about myself and shouting at my children, back chatting my husband in front of the children and using language that are not acceptable to my husband. I am not proud of myself and wish I can just win this war that keeps popping up in my life. But when I look back I can see how God used all these failures and trails for my own growth as a child of God.
One of the teachings that we had the privilege to hear at our church during the conference “truly knowing God”, was about eating of God’s spiritual food (gifts). The preacher started with this story about a poor family that saved enough money for a ticket to get on a ship out of their country where they have lived a horrible life. The mother packed them each a lunchbox, the food in these lunchboxes had to feed them until they have arrived at their destination. So through the whole trip they had to control themselves with hunger so that they did not eat too much at once, otherwise they would not have enough food for the next day. They would have a few bites and then sit and listen to the people upstairs eating and having a good time, wishing they could also enjoy the food that were being served on this ship. On the last day just before they have arrived at their destination the captain went down to ask them if they had enjoy their trip, they answered him that they almost starved off hunger. The captain looked at them in concern and replied “you do know that your meals were included in the price of your tickets”.
This story captured my thoughts in everything I do. So many times we choose to do things the hard way, just because we think we do not have a way or the resources for something. God has His hands open we must just take it and say thank you. We have forgiveness, but choose to condemn ourselves, we have healing but we choose to fear the worse and start planning our own funerals, we have love but we choose to focus on all our short comings and therefore almost end up hating ourselves and I can go on and on. But I am sure Jesus did not die so that we can be won over by the power of our own minds or the devil’s plans to ruin us. He is our overcomer, just go upstairs spent time with Him and eat His holy food.
Easier said than done, for sure but whenever we fail, like I have been doing these last few weeks we must always remember by the grace of God we can always stand up again, let Him overcome the evil in our lives once again and start over.
I would like to end with these words of Joyce Meyer:
“There is no person on earth and no devil in hell that can keep you from God’s will for your life, if you are determent to have it”
I pray for every person that reads this, that God may be your true friend and provider. That you may accept the fact that He truly loves you. Something I struggle with a lot.
My refuge and strength
Always
I will not fear
His promise is true
My God will come through
Always
Those are the powerful words of Kristian Stanfill’s song, “Always”. This song has been my theme song for the last four weeks. I had quite a few challenges, failures and trails. My husband also had to spend some time in correcting me after some outbursts. Which I am grateful for, well afterwards at least.
My dear and only grandmother’s appendix burst at the age of seventy nine, this was life threatening for her. She was really sick and at some point I thought it was going to be the end of her precious life which was a great example to me in many ways. You see my grandmother is a devoted mother, grandmother but also to God and her own body. At this age she still drives her herself where she wants to go, exercise and takes walks to the nearest supermarket. She still helps to raise my eldest brother’s son who is staying with is his father and does not see his mother often since my brother and she separated three years ago. My grandmother is actually the mother figure in this seven year old boy’s life. Any way while all this was happening normal life also had to go on. My daughters had their school and activities and me and my husband had ours. It was also assessment time at the school where I teach. So I have been travelling between my job, my children’s schools and activities and the hospital every day. Since I am the only female family member that is close enough to help my granny and visit her. My other cousins are either out of the country or in another town. Life was quite chaotic for me. In between all of this our church had a conference that was really amazing for me if it wasn’t for all those great teachings I had attended through that weekend I would have been tired and worn out soul by now.
I also have turned thirty one on the 20th of May. This has become quite a strange topic in my thoughts, aging. On this note my grandmother’s trial just made it even more undeniable. It actually started last year at my thirtieth birthday; it was as if I instantly and for the first time realized that we are not immortal. I am really getting older every day and it is not going to stop. I would not say that I am afraid of it, just aware of it. Aware of the fact that I really do need God’s grace in my life, I need Him for my time, my health and my daily roles as a teacher, mother and wife. Without Him and His plans I am just n human being with no purpose waiting to die of age or even sooner of something else.
I have not been as submissive I wish to be and honouring my husband flew out the window quite a few times this past month. He has been very supportive through this time and here today on father’s day I have realized it even more. I have a real man, a husband of God who loves me enough to bear with me and also helps me to get through life’s challenges but also won’t let me wonder off to far from our vision of a Godly marriage. I love him even more now than ever before.
I broke so many rules, haven’t drink my water like I should, talk badly about myself and shouting at my children, back chatting my husband in front of the children and using language that are not acceptable to my husband. I am not proud of myself and wish I can just win this war that keeps popping up in my life. But when I look back I can see how God used all these failures and trails for my own growth as a child of God.
One of the teachings that we had the privilege to hear at our church during the conference “truly knowing God”, was about eating of God’s spiritual food (gifts). The preacher started with this story about a poor family that saved enough money for a ticket to get on a ship out of their country where they have lived a horrible life. The mother packed them each a lunchbox, the food in these lunchboxes had to feed them until they have arrived at their destination. So through the whole trip they had to control themselves with hunger so that they did not eat too much at once, otherwise they would not have enough food for the next day. They would have a few bites and then sit and listen to the people upstairs eating and having a good time, wishing they could also enjoy the food that were being served on this ship. On the last day just before they have arrived at their destination the captain went down to ask them if they had enjoy their trip, they answered him that they almost starved off hunger. The captain looked at them in concern and replied “you do know that your meals were included in the price of your tickets”.
This story captured my thoughts in everything I do. So many times we choose to do things the hard way, just because we think we do not have a way or the resources for something. God has His hands open we must just take it and say thank you. We have forgiveness, but choose to condemn ourselves, we have healing but we choose to fear the worse and start planning our own funerals, we have love but we choose to focus on all our short comings and therefore almost end up hating ourselves and I can go on and on. But I am sure Jesus did not die so that we can be won over by the power of our own minds or the devil’s plans to ruin us. He is our overcomer, just go upstairs spent time with Him and eat His holy food.
Easier said than done, for sure but whenever we fail, like I have been doing these last few weeks we must always remember by the grace of God we can always stand up again, let Him overcome the evil in our lives once again and start over.
I would like to end with these words of Joyce Meyer:
“There is no person on earth and no devil in hell that can keep you from God’s will for your life, if you are determent to have it”
I pray for every person that reads this, that God may be your true friend and provider. That you may accept the fact that He truly loves you. Something I struggle with a lot.