There must be a way to keep ttwd a healthy facet of your lives. Obsessing is not healthy. I have discovered that when I keep my nose more in my life and less on the net, that I can control the urge of obsessing.
But it also occurred to me when I do not experience my husband’s dominance, control, or a spanking for that matter and when I do not have enough accountability of my errors for a while. I tend to start snooping around, reading stories or visit blogs that I know are not healthy for me. I do this to find some emotional release that I actually should get from my husband; the thing is it actually makes things worse for me. Because I find myself frustrated and I break even more rules by snooping around places on the net I know I shouldn’t. I know my husband does not deny me the attention I need on purpose, but it is just an observation I have made. I also realize that after a good spanking whether it is a stress relieve or punishment, I feel immediate relieve. Even if he just voice a warning or promise me a spanking later, I can feel all my frustration float away. It is one of those things I can not explain, it is just the way it is. I need his absolute dominance and authority over me when I am in trouble and I don’t want a choice. The stern look in his eyes and authority in his voice when I am being punished. But also the love and forgiveness in his eyes and his strong arms around me when it is all over. I need his control when I feel out of control and I need to be showered with his love afterwards when I am back in line and forgiven. I don’t know why but ever since I was very young 16/17 years old, this was what I craved from him. I can remember one day when we were riding on our motorbikes, I had a scooter and he had a motorbike. We were about 18-19years old (I was still a virgin, just want to say). We were just driving around for fun. I did not use my indicator as I should and also did not completely stop at the stop sign like I should have. At the next stop, he picked up the visor of his helmet and looked me straight in the eyes and said “go back and do it properly, right now”, I hesitated for a moment and then he said “you know what you did not do, go do it again, I am waiting here”. I remember while I was turning around, seeing his eyes watching me sternly, my stomach was pulling together towards my groin and I felt loved and safe. It was both a turn on and an emotional need met in an instant. It is just who I am. This thing we do it is what make us special, it is something I have that no one else have, that I know personally. I also need him to take this thing seriously and do it regularly, otherwise I am a mess. If he promised me a spanking and does not follow through I am even in a bigger mess and extremely needy and even full of aggression. I also need him to be interested in what I do, feel, think and even write when I do write.
I have made a list of blogs that I stick to for my own safety and I am not allowed to read stories at all. This was my husband’s rule for me. I believe that some blogs that are about TTWD/DD are not spiritually safe and that we must listen to the Holy Spirit when we are lurking on them.
We need to get realistic about the dangers of replacing God and his main purpose for us with ttwd. If we can keep this in focus and never stop and forget to pray about all our decisions that involved ttwd, I think we should be fine since we have the Holy Spirit. But it will always be a challenge for me, I think. Because I just am a better person, wife and mother if I feel my husband is in complete control and loves me enough to do what I need. I need his rules and I need to know that he will do whatever it takes to help me with those rules. I do not want to be without DD. Just the thought that my husband wants it too, makes me fall deeply in love, I will do anything for him, I want to please him and I feel energize free and happy. But between all this “I NEED, I NEED…” I will have to do everything I can to keep myself from falling into a pattern of focusing only on this. Only God must be an obsession.