But this is a matter that I am really struggling with as a mother. I am a passionate teacher and mother. I am passionate about giving children opportunities to improve themselves physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and academically. I love to do workshops on any kind of topic that will improve children. After I got my teaching degree in 2005, I did a course in baby massaging and extra exercises for stimulation of all areas in the brain as well as the baby’s muscles. After that I got my license as a Kindermusik educator (a stimulation program for children by using all aspects of music). I also did a course in children’s ministry at our church. So I am quite passionate about children, as you can see. I love teaching and I am quite good at what I do, well most of the time.
Why am I giving you my whole pedigree, not to be a “show off” but because for some reason I have a difficulty to play with my own children. You know, just for fun. (and as I was typing this my daughter came and ask me if I will come and play doll with them, what a coincidence!!!!)
I can do anything else, play ball, cuddle, tickle, jump trampoline, build puzzles, read stories etc. But when it comes to imaginative play I get so uncomfortable. It takes everything inside of me to do that. Why is that? It is like I instantly change into a person that is uncomfortable in her own skin. I did not have a problem with imaginative play when I was a child. My parents never played with me when I was a child, so maybe that’s why. But clearly this is a need in children because my girls ask me all the time. Sometimes I give them excuses other times I force myself and then I really do not know how to act. I feel guilty; it feels as if my children are being deprived of something.
My one friend can do it so naturally, she sits with them and become a child again. I admire her and feel encourage to try again. But as soon as I get a chance I am back at square one again. Maybe it is just my personality. I was the only daughter between two brothers. I played boy stuff with my brothers and girl stuff alone. I was mostly on my own as a child and today I also enjoy my own company, I need a lot of space and me-time. Most of my friends hate it to be alone, I appreciate it. So maybe this is why I am uncomfortable with playing with them. But I still wish I can make my girls happy making good memories.